Goodbye
by OLDSaphSoul
Summary: Title sucks. SPOILERS for 199! KandaXAlma, not YAOI! Only those that have read 199 will understand!


SPOILER WARNING! If you have NOT read chapter 199 then please read no further. Unless you're like me and don't mind spoilers.

I just finished reading the chapter and have only now gotten over the shock enough to try to write something. My writing skills are still rusty from a few months of not writing anything, but my mind would not let me keep silent and basically compelled me to write something in response. Seriously, if Hoshino kills off Kanda then I will NOT be pleased…I will be in despair! Life sucks right now, and I do NOT need the death of someone/something I love to make it suck worse.

Sadly, I think I know what will happen- no matter how much it makes me cry. I'll write it here.

Now, without further ado, please read.

-Saph

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"Hold on tight, Alma."

Looking down to the figure in his arms when there is no response Kanda Yuu lets a tear escape his eyes. It has vanished. It is gone and yet, he still holds the body of the one he loved. He can't let go of her. He loves her. No past tense. Why is he thinking that way? If he allows himself to think that way then it might be true. He doesn't want that. Reality is harsh. He can't bear that.

He grips the body of his love tighter as he flies toward the gate, not wanting to let go even though it has already escaped his grasp.

"Goodbye, Alma."

Even though it pains him to say it and he has no intention of letting go, he still has to say it. He didn't get to say it before. He made her wait for God knows how long. He made a promise to her. He made so many promises. In the end, those promises were their undoing.

He should have realized it sooner. If he had, maybe it wouldn't have come to this. Maybe if he had realized it the second he woke up then she wouldn't have had to do this. She changed. She changed herself so that he would have a reason to survive.

His vow was that he would never stop searching. He would never stop looking for her. He even told the _Akuma_ that! He told those demons that he couldn't die until he found that person. He spent his whole life searching for her.

He spent so long searching for her that he didn't realize she was right in front of him the entire time. Why else would Alma be so happy that he woke? Why did he want to be with him so badly? Even before he got the memories back he still wanted to be beside him. Why couldn't Kanda see it?

He was friends with the male Alma, but he was in love with the female. All that matters is that he is holding them in his arms right now. He will never let go. He let go of her before and he did it to her again in this life. How could he even think to cut it up? How could he have forgotten? He lost sight of his true feelings after he met Marie.

He should have died with Alma. He should have. He should have seen it earlier. Alma was asking him to die with her. It wasn't the Alma he knew after waking up, it was the Alma that he loved.

He promised to see the lotuses bloom with her. She said she would wait forever but he died before then. A broken promise.

He swore to always be by her side. Another broken promise.

He vowed to find her. He failed in that too! Seriously, why can't he even keep a damn promise? The lotuses he saw every day after waking, Alma's constant pestering, their bond and actions that clearly hinted at more than friendship, and the visions! All of it was pointing to this! All of it was screaming at him "I'M HERE! PLEASE REALIZE THAT I'M HERE! PLEASE SEE ME!" It was all Alma. She was trying to get his attention the entire time.

It was his fault. He led her to the brink of insanity when he rejected her and chose life instead of death. He chose a life without her instead of being with her. He was so dense!

He clutches the stone body to his chest, crying. Why did it have to end up like this? Why is it that in their last moments they still can't be together?

Is this retribution? He died last time and broke his promises to her. He hurt her. He hurt her by dying. That is exactly what she is doing to him now.

They crash into sand. They are in the underground city. Allen Walker sent them here. No one will ever find them here. Well, Allen will but Kanda plans to be gone by the time that happens. He's done running away. He always ran from the things he loved. He ran from Alma, and now he is running from the Order.

Kanda cries. He's lost it all. He lost Alma once, then twice, and now a third time. He clings to the body in his arms. Why does he always choose wrong? It's too late to choose Alma now. But he did it anyway.

He lost all of his friends. He threw it all away in favour of a dead woman. He did the same thing before, he threw away the things he loved. Why does he keep repeating his mistakes? He chose to live and drove Alma to insanity, and how he chooses death and it is too late.

He always chooses wrong. The things he holds dear always slips out of his fingers.

He cries. He caresses the stone face of the one he loves. His tears fall onto her face and get absorbed by the dry stone. There is no life in it anymore.

"I'm not going to run anymore. I'm sorry, Alma. I love you." He whispers.

He sits there, holding onto the one he loves.

The battle was actually a good thing. Alma's regeneration stopped. He used it all up. Kanda's stopped too. He can feel it as his legs slowly turn to stone. He smiles. At least something is going right. He gets to die with the one he loves.

God is cruel. He took away everything he loved at every turn. At least now, at the very end, he allows him to die by the one he loves. God can't be that cruel, right?

Kanda wants to think on this but decides it doesn't matter as his face begins to turn to stone. He closes his eyes and thinks on Alma. If it can be allowed, he would like to join her.

If Allen Walker ever comes to find them, all he will see is a statue of the two lovers that were wronged at every turn. They weren't allowed to be together in life. They were given a second life and they still couldn't be together. At least they are allowed to die together this one time. This will be the last time.

The End.

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I know it was pointless and kind of sucked. I really don't want this to happen in the real series. Either way, hopefully someone liked this piece. Please review if you were kind enough to read the entire thing. I'll go cry in to corner now…stupid sad endings.

-Saph


End file.
